Stumbling across this blog post, I couldn’t help but question the role of women in sex today, and just how far we’ve come in this regard.
We are living in a time where sexuality is more open and liberal than ever. Women can now (for the most part) enjoy taboo-free sex, without having to worry about the repercussions that strung alongside a patriarchal view of female virtue.
So how has this affected the dynamics between men and women, when it comes to sexual intimacy? I ask this question, because I feel that despite these shifts in the views on women and sex, women still tend to be the ones expected to dictate the boundaries of just how far we go with our partners during sex.
Most feminists would argue that having this control is a good thing, without realising that this viewpoint in fact places the female in a submissive sexual position. It assumes that the male is still the one making sexual advances, and taking control of the sexual intimacy, and that the women needs to wait for him to push her boundaries, before she pulls in the reigns. It disregards the fact that women are sexual creatures who want to take control, and that not all men are keen to drive their sexual relationships through the fast lane. The generalisation needs to stop.
So the proposition is this – why not shift this attitude to a “yes” culture of sex, where rather than expecting one partner to yell stop, we expect both to question each others boundaries. Not only would this avoid the mood-killing, abrupt STOP, but it means that both parties can feel comfortable finding each others boundaries, without having to test limits.
So next time you find yourself rather than seeing how far you can go before they yell those awkward, and highly dreaded 4 letters, why not give your partner agency, by pausing now and then and allowing them to say yes and ask for what they want! It takes the guess-work out of the picture and makes sex a much more equal and pleasant, and much less awkward experience.